My Big Sister Is A Teenager
by IcedvoLvos
Summary: 9 year old Alice Cullen looks up to her older sister, Rosalie, a little too much.Bella Swan is more interested in her tamagotchi... and Edward Masen, of course. When Alice invites Bella, Edward, and Jasper over to play teenagers, hilarity ensues.One-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This one-shot is dedicated Itapan/ Demi. Thankyou for being such an awesome friend and listening to my never ending chatter about Twilight fan fiction, even when you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about.**

Nine-year-old Bella Swan and her two best friends, Alice Cullen and Jessica Stanley, were chatting away at recess.

Well, Alice and Jessica were chatting; Bella was too busy playing with her new tamagotchi connection version 2 to join in. She let out a small, frustrated sigh when _Sam_ lost the first round of bump… Again. Jessica noticed.

"Haven't you won bump yet?"

"No," Bella mumbled, her eyes fixated on the small screen. She _would _win this time.

"Ha! When I won round eight, I got eight hundred points," Jessica gloated.

"You can't win bump," Alice said.

"But _I_ did," Jessica retorted.

Bella rolled her eyes; she didn't care if it was rude. Alice and Jessica had been fighting so much lately and it was _so annoying_.

Alice crossed her little arms and pouted: "Well, my big sister said it was impossible."

"Your sister is _wrong._" Jessica wasn't going to let it go.

"Humph. Well. _My_ big sister is a _teenager_, and _she_ says that tamagotchis are stupid."

_Not again, _Bella thought. Alice's sister had just turned sixteen, and her 'big disco party' was this weekend. It was all Alice would talk about.

"Really? How old is she?" Jessica asked skeptically

"_Sixteen._ She's called Rosalie, and she's really, really old. And she has a boyfriend." Bella nodded enthusiastically.

"No way!" Jessica exclaimed, "My daddy won't let my sister have a boyfriend. They fight about it _all the time._"

"How old is _your_ sister?"

This was Alice's favourite game: _My sister is better than yours._ Sometimes Bella wished she had a sister, too, so they would have something to talk about. However, this was not one of those times; Rosalie was _so cool_, but Jessica's sister, Lauren, was _really mean_. At the annual Christmas party held at the community centre last year she ate all the cupcakes and talked over the top of Santa Claus!

Not wanting to listen to her friend's ridiculous banter, or wanting to lose bump for the fiftieth time, Bella decided to watch the boys play soccer. She had a great view from where she sat amongst the daisies.

"She's thir_teen_. She's a teenager too!"

Edward Masen was the most athletic boy in the class; he played soccer on the weekends as well as at recess.

"My sister wears _makeup_."

Bella watched in fascination as he expertly dribbled the ball down the field, neatly avoiding the other team's defence.

"No she doesn't! I've seen her and she _doesn't!_"

The wind blew his copper hair into his face, and Bella noticed that he wasn't wearing a hat. She wondered idly how he'd gotten away with that. 'No hat, no play' was the rule, albeit a stupid one as it was never sunny in Forks.

"She doesss," Alice whined.

"Who cares? Anyway, my sister told me she doesn't like you. She said you were annoying and that your hair was ugly." Jessica smiled in satisfaction; she knew Alice was sensitive about her hair. Bella did too, however, and she reluctantly turned away from Edward, ready to defend her friend.

"You _poop face_!" Alice screeched, her tiny hands clenching into fists.

A couple of first graders nearby giggled at the mention of the word 'poop'. They were so immature, Bella thought.

"You _know_ why I have short hair!"

A few months ago, the whole school had been infested with head lice. A note had been sent home, informing parents that they either had to do the shampoo and conditioner treatment - torture of the worst kind for both the parent and the child - or have their kid's head shaved.

Of course - with the exception of Alice - all the girls had opted for the first option; they would rather go through _that_ than look like a boy. _And Edward_, Bella thought, _Edward didn't get his head shaved._

"But my _sister_ doesn't," Jessica stated smugly.

Alice growled quietly. "My sister doesn't like you either. She said you were a skunk in training."

Jessica sniffed herself discreetly. "I am not! I don't smell!"

"Well Rosalie said you're a skunk, so that means you _do _smell."

Jessica was overcome with rage but her small brain was struggling to come up with a better insult so she just settled on "You're _ugly_."

Bella held her breath in anticipation of Alice's response; no one _ever_ called Alice ugly.

"Fine. You can't be our friend anymore, _Jessie_," Alice spat vehemently. "Me and Bella are going to play _teenagers_ tonight and you're. Not. Invited!" She practically screamed the last part, causing a few heads to turn. Edward's was one of them.

"And Edward and Jasper are coming too!" She added, grabbing everyone's attention. Bella blinked spastically, and Edward looked confused.

"_My_ sister, and _his—" _Alice pointed in Edward's direction – "brother, are boyfriend and girlfriend now," she explained.

That explanation seemed to satisfy everyone, and they all turned back to their previous activities. Jessica stormed off, and Alice followed, leaving Bella alone with Edward… And Sam, the tamagotchi.

The two stood in awkward silence for a few moments before the bell rang, saving them from any conversation. Edward bolted, and Bella looked on in awe - he was so _fast_. Luckily Sam beeped before she got caught staring; he had lost all of his happy hearts.

Grumbling, Bella quickly put him on pause and reattached him to her lanyard, tucking it under her shirt; tamagotchis were banned from Forks Elementary.

Bella often wondered if Edward had one, and if so, what colour. She liked to think it was an orangey-brown, to match his hair… Or green, to match his eyes. And what would he name it? She liked to think that he'd named it 'Bella' after her. But if he _did_ name it Bella, what would he think when he found out she didn't name hers after him?

Honestly, she did try, even going as far as asking her father how to spell 'Edward', but then naming it Sam when only 'Edwar' would fit.

But he'd understand, she assured herself as she slowly made her way back inside. And then they'd connect (hers would win the balloon game,) and Bella and Sam would fall in love… Get married… Have children… Bella smiled as she thought of what their children would be called. Her and Edward would have to coordinate, she decided, and call them 'Pepsi' and 'Coke', or 'Brown' and 'Green' after their eyes.

She was getting ahead of herself, though. What if Edward only had a version one? Oh no, she thought, then Sam and Bella would take _days_ to fall in love. Or _worse_: What if Edward was a poor caretaker? What if had a _Masketchi_? Sam was a _Mametchi_ - a result of Bella's almost obsessive devotion - and he wouldn't settle for a _mushroom face._

Bella put her head in her hands and slumped down in her seat. What if Edward didn't have a tamagotchi at all? Then how would they be friends? She really, _really_ wanted to be Edward's friend. He was so popular and smart. Plus, he wasn't ugly like all of the other boys in their class.

Alice thought that she _like_-liked him, but that was gross; she was only nine. Bella knew that Alice _like_-liked Edward's best friend, Jasper, though, and wondered if that was why she'd invited them to play teenagers tonight.

_Teenagers_, Bella thought. She didn't have much knowledge on the species, but that was okay because Alice seemed to know all about them. She hoped that Rosalie, and Edward's brother, Emmett, would be there to help them, though – just in case.

Dinner at Alice's house had been _delicious. _Bella had greedily gobbled up _three_ slices of cheese pizza, and drank two full glasses of lemonade. She wasn't normally allowed that much junk food, and it made her feel al little scandalous. Especially when Edward had shown her how _scrumptious _French fries tasted dipped in lemonade.

Giggling to herself, she imagined the look of disgust that was sure to be on her mother's face the next time they ate at McDonalds.

And Alice's dad, Carlisle, was so cool! He was going to let them stay up until _nine o'clock_, though he did say that Edward and Jasper had to sleep in the guest room. Bella frowned. She didn't like the booming laugh Emmett had emitted when he and Rosalie had overheard Carlisle say that. _She_ didn't think it was funny; she wanted to spend more time with Edward.

They'd sort of been forced together upon arrival at Alice's house – well, mansion was probably a more accurate word. The second Jasper had timidly knocked on the door, she'd been completely absorbed in him, touring him around the house, and telling him about Rosalie's big party tomorrow night.

"D-do you have a tamagotchi?" Bella had asked Edward hesitantly, breaking the heavy silence.

It turned out that, yes, he _did_ have one; it was black and silver.

"_Ew_," Bella had said when he'd taken it out of his pocket, "Why did you pick _that one_?"

Edward wasn't offended, not at all, because _Bella Swan_, was finally talking to him. Edward had thought once that maybe, just maybe, he might _like_-like her, but no, he decided;that was gross. Now, however, he was beginning to reconsider. Bella was very pretty, and she was nice too.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Bella had pressed impatiently when he'd explained that he'd picked the black one because it was either that or pink.

"Girl," he'd told her, watching her entire face light up… Maybe hers was a boy?

"What's her name?"

"Um, Tanya…"

"_Tanya?" _Bella repeated rudely, "What kind of a name is _that_?"

When the two had talked about all things tamagotchi, Bella confessed to him her lack of knowledge on the behaviour of teenagers.

Secretly, Edward was delighted.

"It's okay," he'd reassured her, "I have a teenage brother, so I'll help you."

Bella tried to keep this in mind as she tiptoed up the stairs later that night to sneak into Rosalie's room for 'research', as Alice had put it. The Cullen's had a_ massive_ staircase, she noticed, and then noted that she'd never been upstairs at their house before; Alice's room was on the ground floor, which was _really weird._

She stole a sideways glance at Edward, who didn't seem as awed by the staircase as she, but was looking at _her_ quite intently.

"What?" she asked rudely.

"Shhhh!" Alice hissed before he could answer. "This is Rosalie's door," she whispered excitedly to the group, gesturing to a door a few feet down the hall from where they stood. It was covered in stickers and posters of… Boys? Ew.

"We have to be quiet, but, because Mom said not to go in here and I don't want to get in trouble."

Bella thought she saw Edward roll his eyes. Jasper stood there quietly, looking at the walls as if they were about to swallow him alive.

Alice reached up on her tiptoes to open the door. She was so short, Bella thought; she'd have no problem blending in with the first graders. Alice held open the heavy door, quickly ushering everyone inside whilst her eyes frantically searched the hallway for any signs of her parents. This was not the first time Alice had snuck into Rosalie's room, so she knew to always make sure the coast was clear.

Once everyone was safely in the room, Alice let out a deep sigh of relief and quietly closed the door.

"Jasper, you turn on the light! I can't reach," she demanded.

"Where is it?" he whispered tentatively; Bella could almost feel the fear he was emitting in waves.

"On the wall," Alice responded impatiently, "hurry up!"

Edward sighed, roughly shoving Jasper out of the way and flicking on the light switch that was located directly above his head. Bella shielded her eyes from the sudden bright light, blinking slowly so that they would adjust. She couldn't believe what she was seeing! _The_ Rosalie Cullen's room was in the spotlight, right in front of her eager eyes. She'd never been in a teenager's room before, she mused, as she stepped around Jasper's trembling form to get a better look. There was a large bed – the kind that was for mommies and daddies only – pushed into the far corner, with a thick, pink comforter lumped up at the bottom of the mattress as if it had been kicked off roughly in a haste to get up. There were clothes scattered across the bed, the floor, and draped all over a wide beige couch – Bella had never seen that many clothes outside of a mall. Glancing up, Bella noticed that every inch of wall space was covered in _more_ posters of boys – some held electric guitars, while others just stood with their arms crossed over their bare chests, scowling; some even had _beards!_

Alice wasted no time looking around, heading straight for the vanity table and shoving what looked like a tray of coloured powders into a plastic bag marked 'evadens,' along with a tube of bright red lipstick and a black pencil.

"Jessie has to believe me now," Alice muttered. "Rosalie wears makeup everyday, but not as much as Lauren. Lauren wears eye shadow and lipstick and blush and glitter and all this black stuff and it looks really gross!"

Bella had to agree with that. Lauren's makeup was always smudged or clumpy, like she didn't know how to put it on - unlike Rosalie, who was _obviously_ an expert. Plus, Lauren liked to draw around her eyes with a black crayon, making her look a bit like a raccoon. Bella didn't like raccoons.

"... Does your brother wear makeup too, Edward?"

Edward wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Of course not!" he said, "makeup is for girls!"

Alice cupped her chin with her hand as she pondered this. "What do boys who are teenagers wear then? We need to know because you and Jasper have to pretend like you're teenagers too, and you can't to that if you don't know what they wear."

"I don't know," Edward replied, "Normal clothes?"

Alice sighed. "That won't do, Edward. You'll just have to dress like Rosalie." Alice turned toward the mirrored sliding doors that opened to Rosalie's closet. "Now," she said, "I'll choose everyone's costumes because I know the most about teenagers. Bella, you get the makeup; Edward, you help her; Jasper..." Alice regarded his stiff posture and shifty eyes, "You can... Stay there, I guess."

Bella ventured over to the vanity table where all the makeup seemed to be, Edward following closely behind. "So, Edward," she began, examining a bottle of silver nail polish, "How long have you had your tamagotchi?"

"Three weeks," he answered. He ran his small fingertips over the vast array of makeup spread across the table, not sure what, exactly, he was looking for. Alice was a bossy creature, he thought, but it was worth being bossed around if he got to talk to Bella.

"So yours is on generation three, then?"

"Well... No. I accidentally killed it last week."

"You _what?_" Bella hissed. "Edward! I thought you were nice."

"I was - uh, am nice. Of course I'm nice. It was an accident!"

_Oh no,_ what if he really _was_ a poor caretaker? What if he left his tamagotchi alone while he was playing with his friends? What if he didn't _feed_ it? Or what if he didn't turn the light off while it was sleeping? Bella realised that she didn't really know Edward Masen at all. He could be a naughty boy – he could get in _trouble_. He could dig for worms in his mom's garden, he could stay up past 9 o'clock, he could colour outside of the lines!

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked, concerned, and Bella realised she was hyperventilating.

"F-fine," she mumbled. "Just shocked that you would commit such an awful crime. Murder, Edward – murder!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. And he really was sorry. The only reason he even got a tamagotchi was because he knew Bella was so obsessed with them.

"Edward, I think you might be a juvenile delinquent." No one ever knew what Bella was talking about; she read _way_ too much – apparently she even read the dictionary.

"I'm finished, come over here!" Alice shouted, which was pretty stupid, Edward thought, if she didn't want to her parents to catch her sneaking around. He was truly an expert at being sneaky, and Alice was making so many beginner mistakes! They didn't even have a _lookout!_

"Alright. So, Bella, me and you have to wear these things..." She held up two of Rosalie's more provocative bras, one pink and lacy, and the other deep red with a good amount of padding. "Edward, you and Jasper should be okay in your clothes, just put these belts on..." Alice handed a thick, bright blue belt with an oversized, glittering buckle to Edward, and a plain white one to Jasper.

"Bella and Edward, did you get the makeup?"

Edward nodded.

"Good. We can leave now, Jasper." Alice tugged on Jasper's hand, yanking him out the door. The four children tiptoed down the stairs, whispering and giggling excitedly. Once in Alice's room, they put on their clothes – Jasper, too terrified to argue, strapped the white belt across his stomach, while Edward insisted that teenagers didn't wear belts. He knew this because his brother liked to wear his jeans as low as possible, and when Emmett had bent over to get the cereal from the lowest cupboard, Edward saw a little too much.

"So..." Bella began awkwardly once she'd secured the bra in place, "What do teenagers do?"

"Well," said Alice, "_My_ sister has a boyfriend, so that means that if you're going to be a teenager, Bella, you need a boyfriend too. Jasper will be my boyfriend, _won't you Jasper_?" Jasper gulped and nodded.

Edward must have been listening to Alice, because suddenly he was behind Bella, pulling her into his arms. He was so much taller than her, but then again, everyone was – everyone except Alice, of course. She was surprised that it felt nice, which was weird of course, because Edward was a boy, and shouldn't he have cooties? Bella didn't know exactly what cooties were, just that they were bad, and that most boys had them. But surely not Edward, not if his hug felt this nice.

"I'll be your boyfriend," he offered, and Bella blushed.

"Okay," she said shyly, trying to hide her smile.

Alice wrapped her arms around Jasper, who looked like he'd rather be _anywhere_ but here. "Alice..." he mumbled, trying to manoeuvre his way out of her grip.

"Yes, Jazzy Poo?" Alice batted her eyelashes the way she'd seen Rosalie do when she wanted something from her boyfriend.

"Alice," he tried again, "We're going to get in trouble. Maybe we should –"

"—No! We shouldn't do anything! I'll be Rosalie, and you'll be Edward's brother. You're taking me to dinner at McDonald's, and then we're going to my birthday party." Alice tightened her grip around Jasper's waist, and looked into his eyes. Jasper was petrified by the fiery determination in her stare, and turned to his best friend for help, but apparently he was enjoying the game a little too much. He and Bella now stood facing each other, wrapped in a tight embrace. Ew, he thought, they really _were _acting like teenagers. He had to admire Edward's bravery here, in holding a girl so close.

"Edward, Bella!" Alice screeched. "Me and Jasper are going to dinner at McDonald's and then you'll meet us at my birthday party. Stay in here – the kitchen will be McDonald's. Don't forget to put the makeup on!" And with that she pulled Jasper out of the room.

"Edward, do you think that because we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend in real life, our tamagotchis could fall in love?"

"Hmmm?" Bella's hair smelled nice. Yeah, he definitely _like_-liked her. Maybe more than the Justice League. Maybe even more than soccer.

"Our tamagotchis," she repeated, twisting out of his arms, "Can we connect?"

"Oh! Um, sure, hold on..." he dug around in his pocket for a bit before pulling out the black and silver egg shaped toy. Bella immediately snatched it from him – this was the moment she'd been waiting for, and she had to make sure Tanya wasn't a masketchi. Bella breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the large spiral eyes of a _Memetchi._ Well, Memetchi's were a little clueless, but at leas they were cute.

"Hello Tanya," Bella said to the toy, smiling stupidly.

"Can I see Sam?"

"Y-yeah..." She pulled the pink lanyard out from under her shirt, and held the small screen up to her face, just to admire Sam a little more. Mametchi's were so gorgeous. Bella guessed that maybe Edward wanted to make sure that _Sam_ wasn't a Masketchi, and the thought was so ridiculous that she had to laugh. Her laughter soon died out, though, and a sickening feeling washed over her when she saw the figure displayed on the screen: an egg with wings, slowly moving up and down.

"NO!" she screamed, "No, no, no, no, NO! He's DEAD!"

How?

Why?

_Who?_

Not her. Bella Swan was the best caretaker in the world. Someone had to be behind this. Someone must have un-paused her tamagotchi.

Bella let out a shrill wail, and broke into sobs. "H-he was on g-g-generation... Seven... _S-seven_!" Edward just looked at her, dumbfounded, and more than a little taken aback by her melodramatic behaviour. _His_ tamagotchi died all the time - it really wasn't a big deal. He opened his mouth to tell her this, but was silenced by an accusatory finger.

"_You,_" Bella hissed, seething with rage, "You _killed_ him. I know it was you." Who else could it have been? Bella was well aware that Alice knew nothing about tamagotchis, and poor Jasper would never ever do something so horrible. Edward had mentioned that he had accidentally killed his last week. Yeah. _Accidentally. _Sure...

"_What?"_ he yelled, "You think I would do that! _Why_ would I do that? I really l – "

Edward was interrupted by the door opening to reveal a very worried Alice and Jasper, with Carlisle in tow.

"What is all the fuss about?" Carlisle asked, "What's wrong with Bella?"

"You didn't break up with her, did you?" Alice.

"Her... Tamagotchi died," Edward mumbled, embarrassed.

"He wasn't just a tamagotchi! He was... My b-best f-f-friend! Oh, Sam!" How was she ever going to live with this?

"Bel-lahhh," Alice whined. "You know teenagers don't play with tamagotchis. Stop ruining the game!"

"So it was _you_ then!" Bella screamed, jumping to her feet. "You _hate_ tamagotchis –"

"—Well, Rosalie says they're stupid and childish, and she _is_ a teenager, so she must –"

"—And you didn't want there to be any distractions from the game. All you care about is proving to Jessica that Rosalie is better than Lauren, and getting Jasper to be your boyfriend. You don't care about me or Sam or Edwa –"

"Enough, Bella," said Carlisle sternly. "I'm calling your parents."

"Sorry Mr Cullen," Bella mumbled, ashamed and on the verge of tears again. It had been a very emotional night, you see: she had hugged Edward Masen, lost her precious Sam, and now she was in trouble with Mr Cullen. There was a tense silence before Alice turned and walked out the door.

She didn't dare look up as she heard three sets of footsteps slowly retreating and finally the door was closed. That left her alone with Edward again, who still said nothing.

"I'm sorry for blaming you," She said quietly. "I know that you would never do something like that. I-it's just that you told me that you killed yours last week, a-and I thought that you might..." Her words trailed off when she felt him sit down beside her, and she blushed at his proximity. Slowly, he leant towards her and placed a small kiss on her right cheek. _Gross_, Bella thought, but it wasn't really – it was actually kind of nice, though she'd never admit that to anyone.

"It's okay, Bella. I forgive you."

The next morning, Bella sat on the old sofa at her father's house, playing with Edwar, her new tamagotchi. When Sam had died, she'd lost all her gotchi points _and_ all the items she had bought from the corner shop, so she needed to win games, and fast.

"Yes!" she whisper-shouted when Edwar won the fourth round of bump. Maybe she'd actually win the game and get eight hundred points, just like Jessica.

She was contemplating exactly how much gloating would be allowed before it would be considered rude when the doorbell rang. Assuming it was just one of her dad's fishing buddies, Bella barely looked up. She heard her dad answer the door, and a women's voice drifted into the room:

"I'm sorry to intrude like this, Chief Swan, but Edward here insisted that we come over. I think he wants to talk to your daughter." Bella's ears perked up at the mention of Edward's name. Was that his mother talking?

Charlie laughed, and said, "No problem, come inside. Bella is in the living room, just around the corner – you won't miss it."

Bella quickly fixed her hair, and sat up straight, realising that _Edward_ was about to walk into the room. She hoped he didn't look at her tamagotchi's name – what if he found it weird? A small figure appeared around the corner, and he was there, in her house, in her living room, dressed in his soccer uniform and covered in mud.

"H-hi, Bella," he said nervously.

She smiled. "Hi, Edward."

"W-we didn't connect last night, so I thought maybe we could now."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

The two stood awkwardly for a few moments before Edward finally pulled out his black and silver tamagotchi. Bella patted the couch next to her, inviting him to sit down as she prepared her tamagotchi to connect. The two pushed the infrared censors together, and a small star-shaped creature appeared next to Edwar on the screen.

"That isn't Tanya..." Bella said slowly.

Edward smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, well, after Sam died I felt really bad, so I killed her."

Bella shook her head, smiling slightly; Edward was such a boy.

Later, when Edward and his mother had left, Bella looked through her friend list. She came across a _Hotodetchi_, an adorable star shaped toddler. Underneath were the letters B-E-L-L-A. Bella and Edwar, she mused – now they simply _had to_ fall in love.

**A/N: To quote the review box, "A well rounded critique is often the most rewarding gift a reader can give." If you liked it, please review!**


	2. Nothing

This isn't a chapter or anything. I just wanted my story summary to say the last update was on the 29th of February. It's such a cool date, don't you think?


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